The Inventor of the Telephone

I do not care what history says. Alexander Graham Bell did not invent the telephone. At least, not as an adult. Perhaps he invented it as a child, and had to wait until he was an adult for anyone to take him seriously. I firmly believe that a child invented the telephone as a way to wreak havoc in their home. It's scientifically proven that a child can make a bigger mess in less time if the parent of that child is on the telephone I do my own research in my "spare time").

Today while I was on the phone my children completely trashed their toy room. Fine, it's their room and it's filled with their stuff. Eva felt the need to take every single thing out of her toy box to find a dress for her doll. Of course, this dress was at the very bottom of the box. So now that floor is covered in all the small toys and things that we don't really have a place for.

As I was putting some laundry in the dryer (still on the phone), I hear them in the living room. Wait, I just finished picking up in there. Yep, it no longer resembles the room I left not two minutes ago. I had a laundry basket full of toys that needed to be put away in the toy room, they've dumped the whole thing out on the floor. Are they playing with these toys? Nope. They're playing aliens with the laundry basket on their heads. Imaginative? Yes. Irksome. Definitely. I grab another laundry basket and put the toys back in it. I even put it in the toy room this time.

Suddenly I hear Clementine tearing around on the deck like a crazy dog. That's kinda weird. Hmm. I walk through the kitchen to the back door and hear a faint giggling. Oh crap! Yep, Quinn's outside running around on the deck with Clementine. Of course, he's only wearing his diaper. This is to ensure that our neighbors believe we are complete white trash and can't bother to get our children dressed to go outside to play. (We do actually have neighbors like this. Their boys are always running around outside in various states of undress.)

So, I guess it's time to get off the phone. Now it may sound like I was on the phone for an hour and totally ignoring my children. But actually I was only on the phone for 4 minutes and 23 seconds (I have a nifty little timer on my phone). As I'm trying to wrestle Quinn into his clothes, the phone rings again. It's a telemarketer . I'm on for less than a minute. But in that time Quinn has dug through my purse, stuck his grubby little fingers in my favorite lipstick and smeared it all over himself and one of my windows.

What are my dear children doing right now, you might ask. They are sitting right next to me, having a snack. Eating string cheese and acting like angels. Of course, I'm not on the phone :)